Potted Plants

In my house, there are 3 plants that are placed near my corridor for fengshui purpose. They are placed there to block the bad qi coming from the opposite block. Right in front of my main window is the corner of another block of flat directly facing us. This results in bad qi, probably because the qi cannot flow smoothly. So, according to fengshui, 3 potted plants are supposed to place there to block bad qi that may cause our health or wealth to deteoriate.

This is very accurate. Since the placement of the plants, our health is much better. Justin and Joel fall sick less often. However, there is a kind of cycle. When the plants weaken and couldn't serve its purpose of blocking the bad qi, our health will in turn suffer. So, it would be time to change plants again.

Other than this issue, our house is good and has brought us much peace and happiness. So, hubby and I kinda put up with the inconvenience of changing plants every few months. It is a small price to pay compared to our overall well being.

We have just changed our potted plants. It has stopped growing well and the leaves have turned yellowish and dried up. Our luck has also been very down lately. We went to our regular nursey and intended to buy 3 more potted plants. However, the plants looked so weak and fragile that we decided to move on to another nursery. In my area, due to space constraint, we do not have many nursery. Even if we do, the selection would be very limited. So today, we ventured to the extreme west of the island, near to a cemetary where HUGE nurseries are located. There, we finally are able to locate very nice plants of what we want. And they are BIG. Not those small plants that we used to buy.

So now, in my house, there are 3 new potted plants standing firmly in my corridor, blocking whatever bad qi that arise from the external building. Hopefully, all will turn out well soon, and our luck will pick up.

Adoption

Today, hubby and I talked about adoption. I asked hubby, since we pin so much hope to have a girl. Is he prepared if we have another boy? He frowned and told me he isn't sure and may not be prepared for another boy. Likewise me.

So, we talked about adoption and wonder whether it is a good choice for us to find a little girl to adopt. However, we have our concerns. What happens if the child comes with a whole lots of genetic defects or illnesses? I don't mean to be selfish but I am looking into the possibility of a lifelong "burden", even after hubby and I are no longer around. If it's our child, or I cannot deliever naturally, then I have no choice but to believe that if I have adopted an ill child, this is all fated. But because I have a choice here, that is to conceive and give birth naturally to my own child, I am wondering whether hubby and I should not even contemplate adoption.

Afterall, like what Aishah said, we are never ready for anything. If there is a little boy in my tummy, I'm sure I will grow to love him as much as I love Justin and Joel. We will learn to adapt to situation, isn't it?

Then again, all are too soon to tell. I am still very confused. Selfishly speaking, it would be very nice to find a little girl of about 1 year old to adopt. But I don't know whether I am doing something morally wrong. Gosh! What should I think? What should I feel?

Jin, Miracle you want? :)

Justin first swimming lesson

Today is Justin's first swimming lesson. Justin refused to go for his swimming lesson, whining all the way and insisting daddy to stay with him.

We went to the Geylang East Swimming Complex early as I thought we needed to register him. We were there too early and hubby brought the kids to the pool first while waiting for the coach.

When time was up and Justin started his swimming lesson, Justin obediently sat with the group of 6 students. I was watching him from far while hubby brought Joel to the kids' pool and slide to play. I didn't like what I see. The coach didn't pay much attention to Justin. He was busy teaching the other students breast strokes and free style. I was wondering how is it possible that the rest of the students were able to swim and trek water when the swimming coach told me that they just started the beginner course. Justin couldn't even touch the ground of the pool. I was expecting blowing blubbles and learning how to kick. But they were teaching back stroke and breast stroke! Poor Justin was ignored throughout the lesson as he didn't even know how to blow blubbles!

This aside, hubby and I were not too happy with the coach. He seems uncaring. Justin wore his goggles wrongly (we were inexperienced!) but the coach didn't even bother to correct it. That left angry nasty red marks around his eyes, and his ears were swollen. Plus the fact that the coach lied to us regarding the beginning course when most students there already know how to swim, that kindda put us off.

On top of that, I was watching Justin from far. There was one point that Justin dropped into the pool.

Justin feet couldn't touch the ground so he was ordered to sit at the edge of the pool. He sat alot to the edge and he was trying to learn the technique of free style by waving his hands up and down. The floor was wet and he just slipped and fell into the water. I didn't even see that he was up to any mischief. I know Justin well enough that he would never be mischevious in this kind of situation. Joel perhaps, but not Justin. It was merely a slip and fell incident.

Justin was struggling in the water. But the coach didn't notice. Justin struggled for some time. Just when I was leaving my bench to rush to him, he managed to find the "wall" and pulled himself up. It was only then that the instuctor saw him, and instead of helping him, he scolded Justin instead. WTF??!! My son nearly drowned, was coughing and choking, and you didn't help him, and scolded him instead??? I had to force myself to stay where I was instead of rushing out to confront the instuctor. I don't know whether I am doing the right thing but I was trying to show Justin that there are all kind of "teachers" around including unreasonable one. I, or his daddy, couldn't protect him all the times. It is just how life is. Moreover, I wanted to obesrve the first lesson silently without intervening just to have a gauge of the suitability of this instructor. And Justin's reaction.

But it sure takes me ALOT of effort not to confront the instructor.

Throughout the lesson, Justin is very keen to learn and desperately try his best to do the right thing. He just loves swimming.

Anyway, hubby and I decided that we will stop him from attending further lessons. We are concern that this instructor will kill whatever interest that Justin has towards swimming. I remember vividly that I can never seem to learn how to trek water because of a particular instructor. I fell into the pool when I was young and I drank and choke on alot of water. And all along, that instructor was nearby. He didn't help me and that frightened me so much that I was slow to pick up new techniques. On top of that, he FORCED me to swim in deep water. I couldn't and I kept choking and "drowning". It soon became a phobal and I couldn't pick up the technique of trekking water. I just couldn't trek. I make myself go down the water. I know it is mostly psychological. Hubby tried to teach me. But whenever I am in deep water, I would start to panic. Even when I trek the correct way, my body would just go down. Hubby had given up trying to teach me because psychological barrier is something very hard to correct.

Justin was exactly like how I was when I started swimming with an instructor in a group. An eager beginner who dropped into the water, struggled vigorously with no help. I had obseved how the swimming instructor reacted towards Justin and I have concluded that I don't want Justin to follow my footstep. I don't want to dash that hope that Justin has towards swimming.

I have also decided to put Justin and Joel with a private coach. Eventhough I need to save money, I would rather forfeit the speech and drama classes and put him in a good swimming class. I have seen how enthusiastic he is and I would like to build on this interest in him. Moreover, his appetite grows so much after swimming and there is some healthy shine to his skin. I think it's good for his overall well being. I have never bothered much about his academic achievements. All I want is for him to be happy and healthy. If swimming is something that he likes, I would gladly support and let him pursue his interest.

Number 3?

Should I have a 3rd child?

This question has been at the back of my mind for some time. However, I didn't really consider much of it. Recently, this question comes to my mind again. And I know I can no longer ignore it and I have to seriously consider and make a decision. I cannot drag any further.

I have been on contraception for the past 5 years. It is only recently that I am taken off the contraception. That means, I am fertile and I am capable of having a baby. The question is, am I ready and do I want?

I feel that hubby is in favour of having another child though he has his fears too. We both hope to have a girl. And hubby told me to read through some research to increase our chance of having a girl. He feels that another addition of a girl especially would add a feminine touch to this house and would be a great companion to me.

I have my reservation. I don't know whether I am prepared to go through everything all over again. I can't wait too long for a decision. It's either now or never. Sigh, what should I do?

Goals

I believe in setting goals for myself so that I can make sure things are done. Every day, there are so many tasks for me to complete that I could hardly breathe. If I don't set any goals for myself, I will find that at the end of the day, nothing is completed. I set realistic goals, those that I find is reasoanable for me to complete within my given time frame.

This week, I set for myself 2 goals to complete.

1. Find a swimming class for Justin (and hopefully Joel).

2. Find a speech and drama class OR arts class at a reasoanble fee for Justin.

I have completed goal number 1. I have signed him up for a group swimming class at Geylang East swimming pool (a newly renovated complex) for once a week lesson every Saturday evening at 5.45pm. It is also at a very reasoable fee of $40 monthly.

Now, I am moving on to goal number 2. I have a few places in mind. I just need to do some research and find a good one with a reasoanable fee. Afterall, I am saving now and I really do not want to splurge too much money on enrichment courses.

At least, I am happy that Justin will be exercising soon with his swimming lesson. I like him to be involved in some sports instead of lazing around in the house, watching TV the whole day. Swimming is a life skill and I know it's good for him.

Hungry for food

I am hungry now and I am craving for food! Nevermind lots of carbo, just give me food!

Brown Rice

As I start on my diet regime, I decided to switch white rice to brown rice. Initially, I dread the thought of eating brown rice. It should taste horrible.

Indeed, when I started to eat brown rice, I didn't like the taste. I forced myself to swallow it. My dream of a great figure motivates me to continue. I stop eating white rice. For lunch, I will have half a bowl of brown rice porridge. For dinner, I will have half a bowl of brown rice.

Gradually, I feel that the taste of brown rice is not too bad afterall. I started with those "refined" brown rice. That is, there is no red husk on the rice. Now, I progress to eating a mixture of brown rice and those rice with red husk.

Once I am used to brown rice, I switch hubby's diet to brown rice too. I got alot of protest from him in the beginning. Now, he is also used to it. To us, we cannot taste the difference between brown/red rice and white rice. I am also gradually switching Justin and Joel's diet to brown rice.

In fact, I feel that I love my brown rice. I usually buy a higher grade of brown rice and it is very fragrant when it is cooking. Initially I didn't know that the fragrance come from the brown rice and I would ask Lani where the nice scent came from. When she told me it is brown rice that she is cooking, I can't believe that brown rice smells so good. It has a nutty scent and abit of pandan fragrance. Ahhh...just the thought of it makes me hungry!

With the intake of brown rice, my bowel improves alot. I used to have constipation problem. Now, I hardly have any constipation. It also makes me feel full for a longer period. I am also less lethargic.

Justin and Joel are protesting that I am introducing brown rice to them (mixture of white rice and brown rice) during lunch. I am very firm and will tell them either they eat it or they will have no food. With my insistence, I'm sure they will convert to brown rice soon. They are already complaining less with every passing day and finish whatever brown rice that I give them.

Ceiling

I am so bloody angry beyond words! I cannot understand why the unit upstairs FOREVER give us so much problems! The family has moved, the unit is sold and now they are doing renovation. And still, the unit gives us a hell lot of problems. Water starts dripping on my bed again. What's the point I paid hundreds of dollars to get the problem rectified when it is NOT rectified? And dirty water stained my precious bed again???? The contractor said that it's not their fault. It's the HDB people who replaced the main piping. Oh shit, I hate all these finger pointing. I don't care who is at fault! SOMEBODY is at fault and it is not ME and you all go and sort out among yourselves. Just give me a leak-free ceiling!

Running errands

I have been going around running errands the whole day, plus my work, I'm totally exhuasted.

Hubby was with me today. He took a day of leave to accompany me to the gynae. The morning was spent at the gynae. After that, it was rushing to fetch the kids from school. After the kids had their lunch, Justin was off to the doctor. He had an infection on his penis foreskin that needs to be treated.

In the afternoon, I sent the vehicle for servicing. Hubby went with me. I drove from one part of the island to the another extreme end of the island. A very tiring ride. We couldn't collect the vehicle immeidately, so we decided to leave the service centre at Tuas to Jurong Point shopping mall and hanged out there. It would take probably 3-4 hours for the vehicle to be serviced. We took a cab to Jurong Point, I had an unsatisying lunch of Long John Silver (hubby likes it) and window shopped. We had wanted to catch a movie but we were late for it. In the evening, we finally got our vehicle and I drove hubby to another far end of the island - Tampinese, to collect his game machine. By then, I was so tired that I could drive with my eyes closed. Hubby took over the driver's seat. He too was very tired.

By the time we reached home, it was already dark. We had our dinner. And I immediately started to work. So much work piling up! I just stopped working a moment ago because it is already 1.45am and hubby insists that I should sleep. He had taken a nap just now but I haven't and my eyes look as if they're going to drop out. Gosh! I have to wake up early tomorrow to work as I have tons of things not done.

I badly need a break. Hubby too. We are seriously considering going for a short vacation. The only factor that stops us is money. It is alot of money as we are paying for so many people. Moreover, we are vigorously trying to save money now so spending so much money on travelling seem to be uncalled for. However, hubby argued that if productivity for everyone rises after we are recharged, then logically speaking, it is worth the money spent. I don't know... Still considering...

Ouch!

Yesterday was truely a session of jamu went wrong. I couldn't sleep well the entire night. I just need to shift my body alittle and I would wake up in shock due to the pain. I couldn't turn, I could only sleep facing the ceiling. Justin and Joel couldn't touch me without me in pain.

I am still in terrible pain throughout today. This evening, I was wearing my low cut PJ revealing my entire back. Initially, my hubby was wondering why my back was so red. We were in the darkened room making the kids sleep. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He asked me to turn my back to him, he switched on the light to check and he was shocked to see my back covered with red bruises. That explains the pain that I'm expereincing. As yesterday was not the first time I went for jamu, he was surprised to see me in so much bruises.

Anyway, I'm still aching all over. I regret that trip to the House of Javanese Massage. So painful! :(

China Women

I am bias against them. Maybe I have not found a lady who has impressed me thus far. I am just being surrounded by women who can't wait to lay on any men in sight. As a lady, I find that the action is a disgrace to us women.

My sister-in-law had a friend's friend who came from China and put up in their house. During this 1-2 months period, she ate whatever my mom cooked, free-of-charge. She has a husband and 2 children back in China. When she came here, she managed to become friend with another married man who runs a travel agency. She has sex with him.

When she goes out with my brother's family for meal, she will never pay. She will just sit there, waiting for others to pay and order food for her. She is super stingy.

When she goes out with my brother's family, she will stand very near to my brother. My sister-in-law will be standing at my brother's side while she will stand closely at the other side. She remarked that each of my brother's side has a wife. What a shameless slut!

I just wonder why my sister-in-law would want to put up with such woman and invite trouble for herself? She must be stupid beyond hopelessness. What kind of woman she is to leave her children and husband aside and sleep with MARRIED men here? Ahhh well... she is a mainland china girl, that's why!

Just the other day, she came to my parents' house while I was there. Nah... she doesn't deserve any attention from me. I'm just too bloody proud to even acknowledge the exitence of scum like her. She thinks I'm stuck up. Be it! I love it that way. I am a higher being than her. Oh well.. someone starts eyeing my hubby especially when my hubby was neatly dressed in pants and shirt after work. Wow! A good catch, isn't it, VERY good catch since my hubby is better looking than my brother and RICHER than any men she knows here (the man she slept with doesn't own the small tiny winy travel agency, it was owned by his wife and his expenses controlled by her). Ahhhh... and we have 2 maids! Filthy rich right??

But too bad, she can only drool. She is just an ugly piece of shit with a face that looks almost like a man. Hubby retreated to the room for his nap. When he woke up, she was still there. He is a dumbo though and didn't realize anything. He was playing with his sons, speaking in english. Wow! Another attractive trait for a man to speak so well in a language that she can hardly master.

It was fun but I despise her. It is women like her that tarnish the image of women, that breaks up family units. I think I much respect a whore than such china women!

House of Javanese Massage

I am not new to Jamu, a form of traditional Indonesian massage. I have been going to Jamu on a pretty regular basis (monthly) for my health and for better blood circulation. I always find that after Jamu, I am less tired and lethargic so I think it benefits me in a way since I am leading a pretty stressful life. The jamu that I go to tailor only to ladies.

Hubby is always complaining of suffering from aches and fatigue. I have very much wanted to bring him for a session of jamu to let him try whether jamu will benefit him. However, since the jamu shop that I go to, do not cater to men, I have to forget the idea of letting hubby go for jamu.

It just so happen that I come across a place called "House of Javanese Massage". I was reading through the website and realize, to my pleasant surprise, that they do have male therpists for Jamu and they have a separate area for men.

After much force, bribery and persuasion, I finally manage to convince hubby to go for a session of jamu at $50 for an hr. I went with him too since I would like to try out a new place to give myself an alternative.

When I called up a branch at East Coast, before I could speak, the person on the other line, hanged up my call. Nevermind, I tried another branch at Siglap. I managed to make an appointment for both me and hubby. But when I tried making more enquiries, the person brushed me off and I felt more of a nusiance to ask her any further question than making an appointment.

Hubby and I reached the place at 3.45pm (our appt is at 4pm). The person was rude and abrupt. I mean, I don't bother as long as I have a good jamu massage. Off hubby and I went to our massage. I wasn't really enthusiastic about the ambience. I was also quite uncomfortable with the way they position their massage area. Each "cubicle" was only separated by a curtain that was too small to cover the entire area and we were supposed to be striped naked. It is just too revealing, in my opinion.

At the regular jamu shop I went to, I was given one disposable panty and I had a single room to myself. Here, I didn't have such luxury. A big area was shared by many and we could constantly hear bikes zooming past.

I relaxed to my bed but was soon disgusted by a saliva smell on the towel around my face. Obviously, they didn't change the towel after the last customer left. I just bore with it and tried to forget about the stinko smell. The therapist started the jamu. The session was so painful that I thought I had gone to hell. Yes, I know jamu is painful and I could take the pain, but OMG, this is hell! I just have a feeling that this therapist is not very experienced. I'm now ended up with bruises. I have never had brusies from jamu before. I am also feeling like my body is breaking into pieces. Usually after a session of jamu, I would feel rejuvenated, I guess probably due to the improved blood circulation. BUT, now, I feel almost dead. And pain all over.

Hubby, on the other hand, was so comfortable that he fell asleep throughout the session. His was also jamu went wrong. He told me the male therapist he had was a new one and many times, his kaki had to come and teach him how to massage hubby. On top of that, that therapist wasn't really applying jamu technique. It was more like "stroking" hubby, so comfortable that hubby slept. I asked hubby, "how could it be possible that you don't feel pain at all?!". It is like defeiting the purpose of a jamu. Hubby was also disappointed. He said he thought I have told him that jamu is a therupetic massage and that he was expecting some pain. End up, he just slept throughout and now, he still feel as much body aches as before he goes jamu. Like no effect at all. He said I could have given him $50 and he could sleep at home comfortably on his bed. He said $50 could buy him 4 Xbox games and still leave him with some change.

DUH.... it is not supposed to be like this. It's like doing "Jamu" an injustice. I had been to a real jamu and I know jamu is much much better than what "House of Javanese Massage" can offer. That place is too commercialised until it lost the magic of jamu. Jamu is never meant to be relaxing. Neither should the pain be intolerable. We should come out of jamu feeling better in our overall well being. Not leaving one feeling almost dead and the other feeling as achy as before.

The place that I frequent (Indonesian Herbal Massage and Spa) is only a small establisment comprising of 3-4 therapist from Indonesia. The boss told me that she goes to source for these therapists in Indonesia personally and she only accepts therapist of certain calibre because she has a reputation to upkeep.

As expected, hubby told me that he would not go for a massage again. He finally knows what jamu is like (injustice! injustice!) and he finds that it is a complete waste of money. As an emotional blackmail (I think), he told me that anyway, it's better not to get a man hooked to massage because massage is addicitive and a man could be so hooked to massage that he needs to frequent massage parlours. At the moment, he told me he hates massage and feels extremely uncomfortable when a stranger touch him, and wants to stay the way he is.

Well, since he wants it that way, be it then. Maybe, the amount of money he save by not going for any massage can be used to pay for more massage for me. LOL!

Edit to add :
Hubby was asking me why didn't I protest when the therapist was hurting me. Well, I didn't know that the pain she caused me was so bad. I thought it was my weakened body. It was only after the massage that I realized something was not right when I felt more lethargic than ever. And my body became more and more painful to the point that I couldn't even raise my hand without feeling pain. It sure hurts like hell now and I know I am going to have a jolly "good" time tomorrow. I have never felt such pain after a jamu before. Oh well, just my luck.

Necromancer

With compliments from UOB, we have 2 complimentary movie tickets to watch any show we like. Initially, we wanted to watch "War of the Worlds". But hubby told me that it is quite badly reviewed. We have put off watching any movies due to our hectic schedules and overseas travelling. Today, as I sat down and read the movie section of the papers, I decide (with agreement of the hubby) to watch a thai movie "Necromancer".

The Ultimate Master of Witchcraft - Necromancer
Of all the mysteries circle in our everyday lives, of all the unknowns in our worst fears, of all the beliefs that we hear. Welcome to an action with suspense thriller story of a life reborn and an unconventional world of NECROMANCER.

A young cop finds his duty to be more than just ordinary when he is confronted by an astonishing rival, a former cop, with an exceptional power beyond any normal human beings. What first seems to be just another regular case of cop’s work turns out to be an intriguing pursuance of cat and mouse, leading to an ultimate battle of necromancy!

What happens when an extraordinary power is in the hand of someone that we fear? Take the journey to discover the dark side of the ancient Thai ritual, the devil buffalo, the devil three legs dog, a child spirit and a witness one of the most griping action with suspense thriller of all times...

Hubby told me that it is a movie about the world of black magic. I read the review that there is alot of blood shed and the movie is "dark", about the practitioner of withcraft and the sacrifices the practioner make etc. The movie is a Thai movie. I always find thai movie, especially their horror shows and those concerning black magic, to be quite real, eerie and dark.

I rarely watch horror shows nowadays as I understand how my imagination works and the detrimental results if my imagination overwork. I don't watch shows about ITs no matter how interesting the movie seems. Ignorance is always bliss. I don't know whether this show is about ITs. I don't think so since it says it is about black magic. Hopefully, it is something that is not scary.

Butterfly

Jin, I think only you will know what I am trying to say.

Just now, I was lying on the sofa. Hubby was lying at the other side of the sofa. We just had our lunch and were full and lazy. Just then, a butterly flew in. It was a white, petite butterfly and flew gracefully around. Then it flew to our plants.

Hubby saw the butterfly and quickly told me "JXY is here. JXY is here. Hello!". I laughed. Hubby said "She wanted to be butterfly one mah".

Then hubby turned to the butterfly and said "Oi! Paisey. Today we never cook your share hor." The butterfly then flew out.

I laughed until my stomach cramp.

After writing a whole lot of things to be posted in the blog, blogger just hangs on me and I lost all the stuff that I have written!!!

I am so pissed that I am not going to have any blog entry for tonight! Such a waste of my effort!

PJ

Whenever I go overseas, I will usually buy something back for either Boo or Miracle or both. Most of the times, I didn't manage to buy anything for the mommy. During my last trip, for once, I decided to get something for the mommy and not the kids.

So, Jin, this is what I bought for you. PJ. Very comfortable buttons-up PJ or you can just treat it as a pullover PJ. The fabric is soft and thin, those kind that gets thinner and more comfortable after every wash. It is not as long as what it seems. It just touches slightly below my knee. It is not sexy but I think comfort is top of your list. You can wear it when you have people in your house or you want to pair with Boo's PJ :)

Pony's birthday

Today is Pony's birthday. To celebrate for her, we bought her a cake. The kids sang her a birthday song. Hubby and I didn't really join in the celebration, maybe because we haven't warm up to her. But we did wish her a happy birthday.

My shipment from Victoria Secret is...

... disappointing!

Firstly, I am not at all impressed by their packaging. Ok... I know I did not order alot, but surely 7 pieces of clothing deserves a proper box especially when it is shipped internationally? What they did is to chunk all the clothings into a flimsy envelope (hubby said like garbage) and sent them to me. I much prefer Amazon packaging, more professional.

Next is the clothing itself. Hubby has warned me that all the clothings look nice because of their models. And that there is nothing special about the clothes. I guess, deep down inside, I know that. But I just want to give it a try. And yes, what hubby said is right. There is nothing special about the clothes. Honestly, I could have bought similar clothings from our pasar malam without hurting the wallet and paying an exhobitant amount for the shipping!

Thirdly, I do not like the fabric. Though they said it's cotton, it is not the kind of cotton I expected. The cotton is either too thick or too thin. For the halter and tank top, they are made of very thick cotton, and therefore I don't forsee myself wearing them in our kind of weather. For the wrap top (which I think should have been made of thick cotton) is made of think flimsy cotton. I was still thinking of wearing it on the plane when it gets chilly. I don't think it serves the purpose of keeping me warm at all. What needs to be thin is thick and what needs to be thick is thin. Something wrong, right?

And the cutting! Nah...it's not what I expected again. The cut is not comfortable. Take for example the denim shorts. It is supposed to be low waist, but I don't see it as low waist. The rise is also too long and it's awkward. It is therefore not comfortable to be worn. And it is NOT a low waist denim shorts.

The dress is also another ugly piece. THICK cotton and where is the empire cut that they claim?

The only piece I feel is acceptable is the PJ. Though it looks nothing special, at least the cotton is comfortable enough to sleep in.

Maybe I'm in this line and therefore there are certain things that won't escape my eyes. Certain things which are acceptable to others is not acceptable to me. You wouldn't want to give me a pair of pants, claim it as "low rise" and expect me to accept it as "low rise". I may be a fool in other areas but I am no fool when it comes to my line of business. If you tell me it's cotton, and I pay a premium for the cotton, I expect more out of the cotton.

At most, I would rate Victoria Secret as "so-so". I won't return them because it is just not worth it for me to ship them back. They would most likely stay in my wardrobe and collect dust.

I believe the hubby doesn't understand how much the growing up years of the children means to me. I have expressed to him that I am tired of working, that I wish to "retire" and just be myself and with the kids. It is terrible when I don't even recall when is Justin's spelling, when are the kids' school outings, who are their best friends and what are their latest craze. I long to be there during their growing up years because this is a period when I could shape their character. How long more would they want me in their life?

It hurts when they want Auntie Lani and not Mommy. It hurts when they make card for Auntie Lani and not Mommy. It hurts when they pick up Filipino accent because this is not the way they should speak, but I cannot blame them because of their interaction with Auntie Lani. It hurts when they talk to Auntie Lani regarding their school life and not Mommy. It really hurts.

However, I feel that hubby is not very supportive in this area. To him, he feels that since I am good at what I am doing, why should I "relinquish" my post? He feels that I am better than him in our area of business and therefore I should still continue. I feel like screaming at him that I miss my children! I have told him dozens of time that should one day, I pass on this business to him, I would still be supporting him and will not just dump him aside and leave him to find his ways out on his own. However, I feel that he is not contended.

He wants me to travel with him to India for business. How could I? How could I just leave the kids and just go? He said the kids has my mom and Lani. Moreover, it's only for about a week. How could he not understand the feelings of how I feel as a mother? Even if I were to leave my kids for just 1 day, it pains my heart. How am I going to leave my kids for at least 1 week?? To him, it's no big deal. To me, it is a BIG deal.

This has been our constant source of quarrels. We differ in our opinions and we could not meet half way. I feel that there is alot of expectation placed on me. Is this how my life is meant to be? Is this my destiny?

Pony @ 2 weeks

Pony has been here for close to 2 weeks. So far, she did not pose any problem for me or my mom. In fact, I think my mom takes a liking for her because she is not a slow worker (in her eyes) and follows her instructions well. At least, my mom is willing to let her works in the same kitchen as her and willing to let Pony helps her. My mom is never used to having helpers because she is not brought up with such luxury. Even when she is with my dad, we are never rich enough to engage helpers. So, I'm just happy that now that she is old and not as strong as before, she is willing to let Pony help her. At her age, she still has to cook for my brother's family of 5 (for free), plus my family, plus my dad. So imagine her work load! My brother is still taking the free food for granted which pissed me off.

Anyway, to me, Pony is not exactly a fast worker. She has a problem with her listening skill and sometimes she doesn't have initiative and no common sense. But for me, as long as she is able to work and lend a help around, it doesn't matter whether she is fast or slow. She doesn't cook well but her food is edible, at least for me. When I am not serving guest or the hubby, I am not fussy with food, so as long as she gives me a dish that is healthy and MSG free, I'm fine with it. She cooks mostly Indonesian food. That is fine with me. I would rather have Indonesian food than filipino food. At least, Indonesian food is spicy and I like my food spicy. She is also better at frying and cooking fish. She should be since she is brought up in a fishing village in Cilacap.

She seems rather contended with her life right now. But she is still frightened that we would send her back to the agency. For me, as long as she is not detrimental to the family, and is willing to work hard with a good heart, I will definetly give her a chance to work in Singapore.

However, all is too early to tell. 2 weeks is just too soon to come to a judgement about her character.

Gynae check

Went to the gynae today. Not my regular one because she is fully booked today. Upon hubby's insistence, I went to another one that is near my place. He is a guy and honestly, I am never comfortable with another man looking me down under. But I have no choice. If I refused to go, my hubby would start to pick a fight with me for not listening to him.

Gynae did some scan and collected some "tissue" for test. He can't be sure what is wrong with me, until the result is out, but he said that something is not quite right and needs to be fixed. My abdomen is quite sore and bloated. Well... for that visit, and for a mere 10 minutes or so, I am $100 poorer. I was telling Justin that he should become a gynae next time.

Anyway, next week is my appointment date. I am crossing my fingers that it's just a small issue. One of my plants, that according to fengshui reflects the state of the health of the family, is dying. I am hoping that it's not an omen that one of us would suffer in our health. Maybe it's time for us to change the plants again.

Tired and sleepy

I sleep so much today that I can't believe it!

I slept at 2am the night before, which is the usual time I sleep. Today, I woke up at 12 noon. After eating a bowl of instant noodle, I went back to sleep and woke up at 4pm! I'm feeling tired now again but I force myself to complete my work.

I don't know why I am so tired. I can't say that I am extremely deprived of sleep because I did catch naps in the cab and on the plane. Maybe age is catching up(but I'm only 31!), or maybe my life is too tense.

I'm still not back on track with hubby and I try to avoid talking to him as much as possible, lest we should start quarelling again. He is nagging me to see the gynae, but I can't promise it would be tomorrow because I don't know whether my gynae is fully booked. He thinks I am finding excuses and he tells me how stubborn I can be, and insists that by one way or another, he will bring me to a gynae tomorrow. Then he goes on nagging how I don't take care of myself, that I take care of everyone else besides myself, that I am just like my dad, blah blah blah... That irritates me. I mean, I know he's concern but I can't stand people nagging at me! I mean, this is just a small issue. No big deal. It is not that I am bleeding or suffering from some internal damage. But I know he's not going to give up and will "force" me to a doctor tomorrow since he is on leave. Sigh...

Good to be home

It isn't a satisfying trip. I didn't accomplish most of what I set to achieve. I also didn't get to buy things which I wanted to buy.

On the first day that we were there, it was raining heavily. We were stuck in a massive traffic jam. A short distance that would probably take us about 15 minutes by car, took us more than an hour, close to two. Due to the bumpy road, and the fumes that I breathe in, I was groggy when I reached the hotel. Actually we wanted to go to the Thai restuarant to buy the brown rice chips, but judging by the still massive jam, we decided to stay put in the hotel and ate at the shopping mall beside the hotel. I didn't manage to buy the brown rice crackers that I wanted so much to buy, both as gift and for hubby and I. I also didn't manage to have any thai massage that night, as what I had planned to.

On top of that, I realized that evening that I had bloody discharge and a throbbing pain in my abdomen(womb). It is not menses. Hubby told me to just take it easy and not to travel far. A visit to the gynae is neccessary, probably next monday. Hubby saw the bloody discharge and was so worried for me, and of course nagged at me for not taking care of myself.

Hubby's sprained ankle also started hurting even with an ankle guard on. He couldn't walk far.

I had nightmares and I kept drifting in and out of sleep. I woke up early in the morning to sounds of droplets of water from the aircon. The aircon leaked and was so noisy that I could hardly go back to sleep. I was disappointed because I expected more from a suite. The carpet was stained and the aircon faulty. It wasn't really a great room and it was pretty rundown. It was still not repaired properly at the time of my check-out.

The worst highlight of the entire trip was when hubby and I had a fight. We were very nasty to each other and we said hurtful things. Even the cab driver who didn't understand what we were talking stole glances at us so very frequently. We had a cold war and we are still not back on track at the moment. We have started to speak to each other at the airport but we are not "normal" yet. There goes our initial plan to have a nice dinner before we take the flight home.

Other things happen which I may elaborate later on. I'm just glad to be safe in the arms of my home again.

Leaving to the airport soon.

Hope that we have a good trip!

We will be having Japanese meal for lunch. Hubby miss the curry rice. Later at night, we will be off to the Thai resturant for thai food plus buy the brown rice cracker.

Will be back on late Sat night. Bye for now!

Mad me

I don't know what is wrong with me. I think I'm just being a bitch. Everything irritate the hell out of me and I just want to pick on everyone and everything.

I have to be fair to the hubby cos he has been nice during this period. It is me who is the trouble-maker. He has sprained his ankle badly and never once have I rub his ankle for him or give him much tender loving care. It even irritates me that he is limping and is not trying to walk normally! I am never a romantic wife but I never know that I could be so un-romantic. Forget about those lovey "I love you". I didn't even ask, "does it hurt? is it ok? you need me to massage your leg?". All these tender words are beyond me.

What's next? Ok... I don't like him to talk too much. Just irritates me especially when I'm working. I would just tell him to be quiet, or I would simply ignore him. He would get the message and keeps his mouth shut. There are still other things that pissed me off. He drives too fast, too rough, too blur etc etc etc. I just don't get it why someone would have such a bad sense of direction even after many many times of taking the same route! And he better don't honk others or be rude or it'll piss me off too.

Sigh, hopless wife I am. Yet, he can be sweet. Like before I sleep, he would put down his work and give me a massage to relax me. He would tell me he loves me and tell me how beautiful I am to him. And he still cares for me even with my really nasty mood.

Who else to receive my horrid temperament? My mom! I can't stand it when she nags about the vegetables and fish she bought from the wet market. Actually, she is not nagging. More like barking instructions how she wants the fish and vegetables to be cleaned. For goodness sake, can't she tell that directly to either Lani or Pony? She said she's worried they don't understand. Then how the hell you know that I understand?? Of course she gets it from me. I scream at her and tell her not to tell me anything. If she needs to give out so much instructions, then don't buy.

And when I tell Justin and Joel to give me a rub on the shoulder, they would both push the responisbilty to each other. Nobody wants to give me a rub! Justin would ask Joel to do it and Joel would ask Justin to do it. When I asked them , so who is going to clean my backside when I am old, Joel said auntie Lani would do so! Fine! What filial sons I have!

I think I am just like a mad tiger prancing on anyone who dares step on my toes. The only people who are spared from my outrage is Lani and Pony. It is my principle not to speak to them when I am angry or feeling lousy. They are my employees and I would only speak to them when I deemed myself reasonable. But that doesn't mean their actions please me. They still do a whole lot of things that irritates me. I am just keeping quiet because I don't trust myself to be rational when I speak to them.

Weekend trip

I am going to Bangkok this Friday. I think I am looking forward to it. It is like a short break for me.

This time round, we will be staying in Arnoma hotel. Actually, this hotel is situated near the area that I have been avoiding due to previous spooky experiences encounter in another hotel in that vicinity. But I just hope to give it a try this time round and hopefully I could put the past behind me. Moreover, this hotel is very convenient for us since we always go to this area for food and shopping.

Actually we wanted to book a normal superior room for our stay there. But as it is fully booked, we have no choice but to book the suite. I reckon that it would be a waste to book the suite since we are out most of the times.

I am planning to travel a distance to one of their resturants for their brown rice crackers. It is very very delicious and healthy. I cannot find it or any similar products anywhere else. It is specially made by their restaurants in support of AIDS patients. I think I'll be buying a carton back. LOL

Anyway, I have to go and fetch the hubby from work. I'm looking forward to this trip, though I know I will be missing the kids alot.

In a fix

The hubby is very very miserable with his job and I have been pondering what I should do. I know whatever actions/words I take will have a huge impact on him since I have always been hubby's emotional pillar.

Hubby has been staying in this job for over 10 years. During this period, there are ups and downs. He has been posted in various departments. There are departments which are warm and cosy, and everyone treat each other like family. There are departments which recognize his efforts and he works really hard, feels tired but is rewarded. He is now at a department where back stabbing is part and parcel of life. This is not what he wants. He hates it. Everyone puts on a mask when face with each other. You know you want the other party to die. Nobody values their job there. Everyone pushes responsiblity away and can't wait for another party to be the scapegoat. Hubby is backstabbed and blamed for situations he has no control in. He is really miserable and everyday, he dreads to go to work. No point asking for transfer because the management would not allow. Who will be happy in this kind of environment? Not me, certainly.

In my heart, I want to ask him to give up his job. We have a business which we can focus and expand. It's not that we have nothing to fall back on when he leaves his job. We still have our business, which currently hits a point when nothing much can be done due to lack of manpower. I, alone, do not have the energy to do so much things eventhough I have lots of ideas. Moreover, I have reached a stage when I am tired and I want to shift my energy to other focuses in life, such as my children, myself, my family and my interests. I am wishing that someone would take over the main and heavy duties of the business from me so that I could find a life I want. No, I don't want to be a Tai Tai. I just want to spend more time with my kids during their tender years, cook for them, talk to them and play with them. I do not have the opportunity now and I don't consider myself a good mother.

Seeing the misery my hubby is going through, I sometimes wonder is it worth it? Yes, we have to have a job to earn money but when life becomes such a misery and everyone comes on hard on you, what's the point of staying in a job? I don't want hubby to spend the best part of his life in misery. He is already in his 30s, going to mid 30s to be exact, is this what he wants his life to be all about? Forever being crushed by backstabber? What is life when everyday has become a dread to live on? Shouldn't one be happy and just do it, since we only live our youth once? If not now, then when? I mean, nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. I may just drop dead without being truely happy with my life. The point is, why live life in misery?

I have alot of considerations at the moment. If he gives up his job, we would be faced with alot of uncertainties and huge commitments. I don't know whether I am prepared for it. I am at a fix. I want my hubby to be truely happy but I am nervous about the future. I don't know what is the next step I should take.

If you want to play with fire, be prepared to be burnt

Yesterday, I read an article about the recent murder of the China girl, Liu Hong Mei. Her body parts were found in Kallang river and the Tuas incinerator with her feet still missing. In the article, the reporter painted the picture of china women coming to Singapore to work, living simple HONEST lives and save whatever money they can but somehow turn out to be victims that met with tragic endings in Singapore.

I beg to differ. Though I believe that no one should die such a tragic death, with missing body parts, I find that the deceased has to bear some responsibility for such an ending. Why in the first place does she want to sleep with her boss, who is a married man with 3 children? Because of her close relation with her married boss, she was promoted. Even the day before her death, she was still in Geylang hotel with her boss. I do not know what is the true picture. But I do know that if you want to play with fire, be prepared to be burnt.

I'm not saying that all china women are sluts but there are many who are money grabbing siren. There are tons out there who are manipulative and out to cheat married Singapore men or hook a Singapore passport. Singaporean men who fall into their traps deserved to be shot too.

In my area, I constantly see China women trying to get attention from men around here. My dad is one such victim. My dad with a head of white hair, is a 68 year old elderly. He told us he was approached by young china women while he was reading newspaper at the void deck (it was more windy at the void deck). He quickly rushed home. Nowadays, he rarely reads newspaper at the void deck anymore.

Sometimes, when I walked with hubby to the food centre, I catch china women eyeing the hubby. My first instant reaction is to stop and glare at the women. I really despise all these women! They are cheap! Sluts! They are a shame to us women!

When people ask me whether I am a chinese, I will tell them, I am a Singaporean Chinese, not a mainland chinese.

Heart-to-heart talk

I finally have a heart-to-heart talk with Lani. I do not like to hide my feelings and anger towards another person. I like to talk it out. So, I sit Lani down today and talk to her. Afterall, I haven't give up on her. She has been a good helper and I know she is sincere towards us. So, I do not want Arlene incident to create a bad shape to our relationship.

I asked her what is bothering her, whether she encounter any problem with her work or with the new helper. She broke down and cried. She told me she couldn't let go of Arlene's incident and the unhappiness Arlene has created to my family. She is very sorry for what she has done and she is ashamed to recommend Arlene to me. I talked to her for a long time. I trashed out alot of issues with her. I told her that all along, I regarded Arlene and her as separate issues. The only point that I am disappointed with her is her hiding the truth from us and neglecting our interest. I told her to move on with life and put Arlene behind us. I told her that we will always treat her as part of our family and we will certainly look after her very well if she stays loyal with us. I told her that though I am disappointed with her for neglecting our interest, I would let it go and would not hold it against her.

She is very depressed at the moment and she is still crying as I am typing this. But at least, all issues have been trashed out. I know what is bugging her and she knows my stand about Arlene's issue. I am sure that if she successfully put Arlene behind her, she would work doubly hard during her employment with us and she would look after us even better.

If there is one word to describe Arlene, she is truely the devil. She has caused so much damage just being here for a short period. I don't know how much more damage Arlene will cause when she goes home. I know Lani will be whacked hard because Arlene will surely bad mouthed her. I believe in retribution. What goes around, comes around. Arlene will receive what is due to her one day.

I am so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open. I didn't rush to do alot today but I am just so tired, so retarded. I think the recent happenings have totally drained me out. I long for some time for myself. I long to read a novel. My Da Vanci code has been sitting around for months and I have not even started a single page. I feel that I have been on a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs, ups and downs. I need some peace. I don't want to keep worrying about this and that. I don't want to get work up and pissed. I want to be at peace with myself. I am, by nature, a peaceful person. But recently, so much has happened that causes alot of turmoil within myself. I feel so twisted.

Nah... I don't know what I am rambling about. All I know is that I want peace.

Jealous freak

I have a jealous freak in my house and it's pissing me off! Let me just resolve my emotions step by step.

1. I am already not happy with Lani. In fact I am PISSED with her entire family. I am PISSED with the Catubay family as a whole. I am PISSED with her selfishness. I am PISSED with being conned. I am PISSED that my trust in her is betrayed!

2. Lani is acting up because she is jealous of the new helper. I HATE to see her fucking black face. I have enough of fuck-up face from Arlene. If Lani is going to show me her fuck-up face, I will ask her to fuck off!

3. Why Lani is jealous is simply because she is pissed that my mom can get along with the new helper. For goodness sake, please be more gracious and accept the fact that my mother is getting along well with the new maid because the new maid duties is with my mom! Does she want my mother not to get along with the new maid? Lani is not the one to help my mom. It's the new maid. So, what's wrong with my mom getting well with the new maid? Must everybody like Lani and dislike all others, then Lani is happy? Does she want all of us to be in turmoil before she is contended? How fucking selfish Lani is! Grow up!!!

4. She is giving troubles to the new maid. Now, this is something I don't accept. Who is the boss here? ME!!!! Not her! Today I saw her scolding the new maid, Pony. Pony was very frightened and bowed down in front of her. Later, Pony sat at Lani's leg and bowed down while Lani looked away. I cannot stand it! Who the fucking hell Lani think she is??!!! In my house, nobody treat each other like SLAVES! If I don't treat my employees like slaves, I don't expect my employees to treat each other like slaves! Don't bark at people just because you are senior. You will be respected for your seniority but don't boss around!

5. Pony knows chinese language and therefore can click well with my mom. Pony working style is also the same as my mom. She is attentive to my mom's needs. She can cook. Therefore, my mom is happier that Pony helps her. My mom is also less busy with a helper around. Even let say Pony is cunning or whatever in the future, but as long as my mom can get along well with her, that's fine with me. This is what I want for my mom! She's happy, I'm happy! I am glad that when I go to her house now, my mom is smiling. Now, this Lani gets jealous and my mom complained to me that Lani's face is becoming more like Arlene! Lani is also getting impatient with the kids. I just feel that Lani is taking out on the kids. Now, I am NOT HAPPY about this at all. If she cannot handle her own emotions, then stay faraway from the kids. Don't bully Justin and Joel because of her own insecurity and selfishness!

6. Lani is also jealous that I talk decently to Pony! Now, this is STUPID! Why should I be harsh to someone when that person never do anything wrong? Was I harsh to Lani when she first came? NO!! I have been fair and I give Lani due respect. So, please don't push over the limit. She gets jealous over the slightest thing. GOSH! I understand that she may feel abit insecure with another helper around but not to this extend! Lani doesn't try to spend time with the kids so if the kids decide to find Pony, I am very sure Lani will hit the roof! I don't even dare to give Pony some of my old clothes because of Lani's possessivness! Pony has very little home clothes and I have tons. So I was thinking of giving Pony a few. I had done this for Lani before when she first came.

I am not scared of Lani, I'm more worried that she will create hell for Pony. Since Pony is not Lani's relative, I as an employer has to step in already.

I know it! I just know it! I know the problem I will face is not with the new helper. It's with Lani. Being with her for more than a year, I know her character pretty well by now. That's why when I choose a second helper, my priority is that the new helper must be mild to take Lani's temperament! Gosh! What should I do with Lani??? She is so fucking selfish and insecure!

My new helper - Pony

So far so good. I don't feel any negativity towards her, unlike the very first time I saw Arlene.

I can see that she appreciates whatever she is having now. Maybe after 3 previous employers and the abuses, she really treasures what she has now. She tries very hard to please and she is also very quiet. I notice that she lacks confident of herself. When I asked her to cook, the first thing she did after she cooks is to criticise her cooking. It is not fantastically good, but it's not that bad either. Just not salty enough but maybe my family eats more salty food than the norm. I believe her previous employers had sent her self esteem plunging down.

She takes my comment very seriously and I know she would alter her cooking to suit my family. I can pass her some recipes to try and I believe she would be more willing to try new dishes than Arlene.

Lani also seem to be getting along fine with her. Though they have some language problem, but Lani seems to appreciate the fact that Pony leaves her alone and doesn't bug her. The agency told me that Pony is slow, but I don't think so. She seems to pick things up quite fast. I guess the previous employers just don't give her the chance because they don't like her look. She has that perpetual sorrowful look.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Turn off

I am alittle turn off by my current helper, Lani.

1. Through a slip of tongue, she revealed the real reason why she asked Arlene to be here. Arlene was rejected in Malaysia 2 years ago and she was required to buy air ticket to fly back to Phillipines. She will only be required to pay for air ticket if the fault lies with her in Malaysia. Arlene asked Lani's brother to lend her the money to buy the air ticket. Lani's brother obliged. Now, Lani want Arlene to come to Singapore to work so that she can repay the loan Arlene owed to her brother.

I was given the impression that Arlene was rejected in Malaysia through no fault of hers. All these information was hidden from me such that I cannot make a good decision when I employ Arlene. I was given the impression that Arlene worked very well, cooked well and has a kind heart. That's the reason why I never let Arlene go through maid agency and get her to pay additional loan. Because of this, I lost more than a thousand dollars, not forgetting the mental torture we went through. Ultimately, Lani has nothing to lose. How could Lani do this to us??

2. Lani asked us to help her develop photos which we did. Initially, she passed us some money. But I told her that since I do not know how much it would cost, I would pay for her first and after I know how much is the exact amount, then she can pay me back. When I passed her the photo, she pretended that she didn't need to pay me the money. I gave her the benefit of doubt and waited. She didn't pay me. I had to ask her for the money. The expression she gave me is that she remembers, it's just that she presumed that she didn't need to pay me.

What a turn off!

Edit to add:
The only thing I regret now is that I never get Arlene to pay for her own air ticket back. She (and her family) should be made to suffer for the turmoil she has caused here. I am just too darn stupid and hopelessly kind hearted!!! Gosh! When will I ever feel peace in my heart again?? I just feel so twisted now!

Self Pampering

Just did some damage to my wallet. It has been a long time since I last bought some decent clothing for myself, I went on a shopping spree and ordered some clothings from Victoria's Secrets, and pampering myself. The shipping fee from the U.S. can kill. Oh well... I deserve it.

Halter Top



Spaghetti Babydoll Top


Bra Top


Wrap Top


Denim shorts


Tank dress


PJ

Evil me

Hubby has a bad sprain on his ankle. The road was uneven and being as careless as he has always been, he didn't notice it and he just fell and sprained his ankle. It is a very bad sprain. He can't walk properly and his ankle swells up ALOT.

Actually, I do not feel heartache. In fact, I've got this sadist temptation to step on his leg and make him scream. LOLOL!!! I think Arlene has made me abit nutso!

Anyway, I'll still be a good wife and drive him to get his X-ray done on his leg tomorrow.

Errr....if only I could just step alittle... LOL.

Found a new helper

After going through hell of a time, I have finally found myself another helper. She is an Indonesian coming to Singapore to earn more money for her family. She is a rejected and abused maid and she is rejected 3 times by different employers. I took her up because I feel that her eyes show no viscousness. She is just very unlucky to have met with nasty employers.

Her first employer rejected her because her kids didn't like her. Her kids were so cruel to her that they hit her on the head until she bled. The employer sent her back to the agency. The second employer was equally as nasty. The employer hit her when things didn't go her way and when the employer felt that the maid was too slow. The employer also nearly forced her to drink soap water. The third employer didn't work out too because the old lady in the house couldn't get along with the maid due to communcation problem and unrealistic expectation. The old lady kept scolding her and picked on her so much that the employer decided to send her back to the agency. I spoke to the 3rd employer and she told me that the maid was actually an obedient girl, just that the maid couldn't get along with her mother and the stress was too much for her to bear, that's why she decided to change another maid for her mother.

After intervewing her personally, I decided to give her a chance and to employ her, but with the backup support of the agency of course, should anything goes wrong. She is just a timid, frightened lady who is filled with lots of uncertainties. When I look at her, she doesn't seem to be menancing at all. The agent told me that the bad thing about her is that she has a prominent birth mark in between her 2 eyebrows. Not many employers like that kind of birthmark and she may be deemed to be a jinx.

Well... I just hope that she will turn out to be fine. I am just so tired hunting for a replacement worker. She should be here earliest this Friday. I would be away on a business trip and I can only let her be here when I return.

For those who are concern...

For those who are concern about Jin and have asked where she is, I have no idea. She has retreated to her world and I am very sure that she will meet us all again. It's just a matter of time. She is a survivor and she will pull through this. She has said before that there is nothing in this world that cannot be solved. Each and every obstacle that she has met, she has solved it all. She is a strong lady and she will be fine. Meanwhile, let's just wish the best for her, continue with our life, and when the time is right, she will see us again.