Inner Thoughts

Ending my current blog

2005-10-15T15:20:00.000+08:00

After much thoughts, and with much sadness, I have decided to end this blog account and continue my entries in another new account.

I have my reasons to do so.

It doesn't feel good especially I have spent so much time and feelings in this blog. But it is something I need to do.

I won't publish my new blog address here, for a reason too. For my blog friends out there, or those who have been reading my blog and would like to continue to do so, please drop me an email at jusjoe@hotmail.com for my new address.

Thanks for always being there.

Elaine

Idiosyncrasies

2005-10-15T00:04:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Jin,I must post 5 idiosyncrasies of mine and write about them.

1. I am an optimist. In the most adverse situation, I will still think of the bright side of situation. Even if I failed, I believe it is for a reason. I rarely let failures get me down. Life goes on for me no matter how beaten I am.

2. I am determined. When I want to do something, I will make sure I achieve it. I don't lose sight of my goal. But when I am determined not to do something, no amount of persuasion will sway my decision.

3. I am proud and sometimes arrogant. When I think I am right, I am right. I don't apologise even when I am wrong. I don't back down easily. I am downright stubborn.

4. I am realistic and logical. I am not a dreamer. I am able to see an issue in different angles most of the times. I will stand up for the weak and I have no qualms in putting you down if you step on my toes.

5. I don't forget debts. If someone helps me and I accept, I will return double of what that person has given me. Due to this characteristic of mine, I don't usually ask for favours or help, or to accept them. I believe in self-sustaining and solving my own problems. I'm happy to say that in my life, I don't owe anyone anything, besides my parents and a family friend.

I don't have many people to tag. I could only think of Aishah and the hubby.

2005-10-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

I did NO wrongs to anyone. My conscience is clear. I have no regrets in whatever actions I had/have and will be taking. I have no regrets in the words I said.

I stand firm on my ground. You can try any stance you want, you can say anything you want, but you will never ever get to hurt the ME I am so proud of.

Nobody will EVER crush the pride that I hold firmly within myself.

I hold my head up high, in the past, now and in the future.

I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL FIGHT!

Just a note

2005-10-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

A lot of emotional turmoil is happening in my house recently.

Lani has been handed over the police, charges has been pressed and would going for sentencing soon. Before any sentence is passed, I cannot blog about it.

The last few days were like a roller coaster ride. The family went through an emotional turmoil. Justin and Joel were also affected. Joel was affected the most.

How I feel right now?

I feel thoroughly betrayed and dissapointed. I'm sorry to say that I have lost my faith in Philippino maids. All of them gave me tremendous problems and horrors.

Hubby and I have decided NOT to have 2 maids anymore. We'll stick with one maid.

I'm tired. Will blog more tomorrow. Goodnight.

A poem for myself

2005-10-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

I need this....

DON'T QUIT
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit -
rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about
when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a faint and faltering man;
often the struggler has given up
when he might have captured the victor's cup;
and he learned too late when the night came down,
how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and when you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems afar;
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
it's when things seem worst,
you must not quit.

Justin's graduation ceremony

2005-10-08T21:10:00.000+08:00

I fault Kinderland in alot of areas. But if there is one thing that I think they did absolutely great and marvellous, it will be their graduation ceremony.

It is such a wonderful event. Everything were just splendid! The planning was almost perfection and this could only be achieved through many years of experience. Any possible problems that we thought could happen were being taken care of.

The event bring us to a high many times. I feel so emotional and I believe many parents there felt the same way as I do, through the school's careful planning. There were many moments when tears welled up in my eyes when I see my baby all grown up. I am so proud of him.

The whole event was "run by" K2 students. The MCs were the students and the school had several kids MCs for different segments so as to ensure a wider exposure for the students. Besides the principal who gave the opening speech, there were no boring adults on the stage throughout this graduation ceremony. The kids introduced events and gave thank you speeches. They did a wonderful job!

The first event that came out was to show the music talent that the kids acquire during their years of schooling in Kinderland. Kinderland is afflicted with Yamaha Music School and music has always been Kinderland's strength. In their ciricumlum, music (playing instruments) is one of the topics. On the stage, all the K2 kids played different musical instrument including the organ. It was quite impressive!

For the stage performance, the theme is fairy tales. Each class will come out with a performance. There are Aladdin, Snow White and the dwarfs, Under the Sea etc etc. Justin was performing "Under the Sea" and was one of the fishes.

After the performance, it was their graduation ceremony. They wore the graduation suit as they walked out to receive the cert from the principal.

Upon the closing of the ceremony and concert, the school again bring us all to a high by bringing all the kids up on stage to dance and sing a very cheery and inspirational song. In the midst of the song, all the kids slowly marched down the stage and surronded us parents, holding hand-in-hand and sang! They were so "adult-like"but came with such sweet innocent voice! That moved us parents so much! I was again, almost in tears and I'm sure most moms were in tears too. The hubby was smiling and looking at the kids with adoration.

The concert ended with the kids jumping with happiness!

I have to give Kinderland credit for such a well thought-out graduation.

There is a short video clip of Justin receiving his graduation cert from the principal. Click on the link to watch. Please be patient as it is a large file. The entire clip will take sometime to download. There is also another video clip of Justin's splendid performance. The file is too huge and I'm trying to figure out how to make it smaller before I upload it for all to view.

http://ttls.multiply.com/video

Will we Win?

2005-10-07T17:38:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, the Singapore Postal Office is inviting us for a dinner held at their premise.

What is so special about this event is that they have shortlisted (base on their dunno-what criterias) 200 participants to attend this dinner. This is out of tens of thousands of people.

We are one of the bigger spenders in Singapore Post and that makes me wonder whether it is the reason why we are selected? LOL

Anyway, eating dinner is nothing to rave about. But what is more exciting is the lucky draw prizes that they are giving out during the dinner. The grand prize is a MPV!!!

One of the 200 diners will get it! I hope we are the one!!! I mean, they have already shortlisted from tens of thousands participants to 200 people. The hubby is one of the 200 people! Chances is higher! They will do the draw to be witnessed by us.

Will we walk away with the grand prize? I don't know. We don't usually have luck in lucky draws but I hope so much that we will win! We could do so much if we win this grand prize. And it will certainly offer us hope for the future during this period of uncertainty.

Good Luck to us! And praying that we will win!

Does my son deserves any less?

2005-10-07T17:09:00.000+08:00

Justin is having his graduation ceremony tomorrow. It is a graduation cum concert held for all K2 students from kinderland.

Joel was pulled out of Kinderland since Sep this year. I do not like the management of the school and how profiteering they are. That is the reason why I pulled Joel out since Joel was still in nursery. Justin, on the other hand, is already in K2 and graduating this year. Therefore, I want him to complete his school term and graduate from Kinderland.

I know that when we pulled Joel out, the management and the teachers were looking at us differently. They thought we had no money to pay, and used "dissatisfaction with management" as an excuse. One teacher even commented that we could find a PAP to put Joel in.

What's more, we are not driving a Lexus or BMW. We just own a "pathetic" euro van which we used to fetch the kids to and fro school, and for our personal use. We are not the flashy kind and find no need to splurge on a car when we could use our company to register and buy a van that runs on the cheaper diesel. Wouldn't it be better that money is kept in the bank than spent on a car that reaps no return? Car and van serve the same purpose on bringing us from point A to point B. So why bother to pay so much more for the maintenance of a car?

I know, the teachers do not look quite well upon us. Afterall, Justin's classmates APPEARS to be richer than us. Fine, it doesn't bother me.

But I am beginning to feel the pinch now, as a mother. For this concert, Justin got one of the most insignificant role with a pathetic costume that resembles a gigglo. When I look at other students, they were all so bright and cheery with their elaborate costumes. Justin just got a singlet and a super tight shorts. Why? WHY?

Justin is introverted, I know. But does he deserves any less? Does he deserve to be despise? Why should he be deprived of a chance to perform, to shine, just like other kids? I pay the same school fees as any other children, and paid on time too. I have never once give any problems to the teachers, always co-operating with them. So, why should my son be different from the rest?

Justin and Joel are very different in their personality. Joel shines in any situation. With his charm, he can get away easily with anything and wins the heart of almost anyone. Justin is on the losing end. He is quieter and more shy. Nonetheless, he is still as charming with his sweet demeanor. He does what he is being told and is co-operative in any sense.

I am their mother and I try to love them as much as I can. Joel is never short of love and attention and everyone seems to be more tolerant of Joel, including my parents. Justin is the one who never seems to win favour from others, besides Jin.

Maybe I have made the mistake of putting Justin in a branded school... Showing off is never in my blood.

Malay Food

2005-10-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

It is Ramadhan, and Muslims all over the world are fasting for a month. I am not a Muslim and honestly, I don't know much about the occasion.

During this month, my neighbourhood will have a super big bazzar (pasar malam) with lots of interesting things to see and buy, and of course delicious food. I often visit the bazaar for food. There are Ramly burgers, bbq chicken wings, chips, kuehs.... and lots of authentic malay food! I love them all, except beef and mutton of course. The food are not cheap though but I think it's understandable since the rental of the stalls are expensive. Just yesterday, hubby and I bought 3 Roti Boyan for $9. I don't know what you called Roti Boyan in english but it's a very nice crispy tart with mashed potatoes inside to be dipped in a special chilli sauce. Mmmmm.. simply delicious! Then we also bought Putu Piring. A sort of rice cake with fragrant coconut sugar inside. My helpers and us have a feast, and we had ice-kachang and ice-jelly cocktail too. I try to pamper Pony alittle since I reckon that it's hard for her to be away from home during this joyous occasion.

Today, I bought lots of kuehs home. I guess I am going to put on weight during this festive season! Now, I am hoping that Aishah will invite me (and hubby, and Jin and Justin, and Joel, and Boo and Miracle) over for another feast during Hari Raya. LOL!

Asshole Brother

2005-10-05T11:09:00.000+08:00

I just want to bitch about this asshole brother of mine. He is my second brother and truely a good-for-nothing. He has never been a good brother to me since I was young. He always bullied me and hit me, and I hated him. I still remember how I was being hit and scolded vulgarity (the worst form that anyone could imagine!) for leaving my cup on the table or dropping a piece of food on the floor!

I grow up with no affection towards him. I mean, I respect my eldest brother much more than my second brother. Eventhough my eldest brother is also in a sorry state now, I always look upon the fact that he was always protecting me from the evil deed done by my second brother when I was young.

When has it become that the asshole financial affair become the problem of ours? He had been a failure in life and still IS. Many years ago, he used the name of my dad to apply for a mobile phone line, didn't pay and owed a substantial sum of money. So much that the debt collection agency nearly sued my dad to the court. The hubby intervened in time and my dad hit the roof. He was so worked up that, the very night, his stomach bled.

Seeing that my dad is suffering from serious medical problems, and couldn't take much stress, the hubby intervened on his behalf. He spoke to numerous people, asked for leniancy, reduce penalty, request for installment plans for that asshole to pay up. Asshole promised to pay. Hubby even told asshole to please keep to his words because my dad couldn't take any blows anymore. He sweared that he would pay.

Knowing how that asshole is like, we know that there is a high chance that he would default payment since the name was not under his. To prevent any chance that the debt collector would chase after my dad, hubby secretly arrange for the debt collector to call us as a last resort and not to harass my dad due to his medical condition.

My dad agreed to let him use his name to apply for mobile because he came out with cock-and-bull stories that he needed the line for his job. My dad realized now that it was a bunch of bullshit and regretted letting him use his name! But it is too late now because he has chalked up thousands of dollars on the mobile line using my dad’s name.

Obviously, asshole doesn't have a conscience even when he knows my dad is not able to take any blows. He defaulted payment, giving empty promises. Not only that, he cut off his phone line (under his name) and conveniently direct all bloody debt collection calls to hubby! And let hubby handles all his freaking affair!

What kind of son he is to do that to his father! My dad loves him so much. Does he want to drive my dad to his grave? Most probably he will. He is my dad’s bad karma. He is here in this life to create havoc to the family.

He was once a bankrupt. My dad has helped him settle his bills before, even those with loan sharks. He has a wife who is a spendtriff and doesn’t think before she splurge on branded items. When things got bad, she asked him to go to his dad. She is also another asshole. Her parents have long since disown her.

Honestly, I won’t help him if this issue has no association with my dad. I cannot see that my dad is sent to court with me doing nothing. I love my dad dearly and I won’t let him reach this stage. Ultimately, it is my dad who is held responsible for the asshole shit, not that asshole. And that asshole is taking things very lightly now since the bill is not under his name!

My dad still doesn’t know our involvement in this, and that the asshole is defaulting payments . Not that I don’t want to let him know, but I don’t want this revelation to kick start his severe stomach pain and high blood pressure.

That asshole has been a failure throughout his life. He has never once stayed in a job for more than 6 months to earn a decent living for his family. He stole from my dad and has always been a trouble maker. He is getting his retribution because his daughter is following in his footstep and has been shoplifting.

I have no sympathy for him. I will never forget the nasty things he did to me. If my childhood is being tarnished by a flaw, it will be him. I have 2 brothers. No matter what happen, I will still spare a thought for my eldest brother because he doted on me. I am grateful to my eldest brother for always protecting me when I was young. Till today, I still call my eldest brother “da ge” (eldest brother in chinese). For that asshole, I have never once refered him as my brother. I only called him his name. Actually, a better name for him would be “asshole”.

I am married now and no longer has to live in the shadow of this asshole. I have hubby to protect me and asshole will never have a chance to scold vulgarity or hit me again. Yes, I still have ugly images of him brought on by his constant abuses during my childhood, and in my heart, there is always fear and vulnerability eventhough I know I have every means to protect myself. Asshole is no longer nasty to me. Still, in this area, I feel vulnerable enough to need hubby to shield me.

Note to Jin
This brother I am referring to is the one who commented you were a pretty lady during Joel's 3rd birthday celebration.

Music

2005-10-05T00:05:00.000+08:00

Music has a way to touch my soul that nothing else can. I used to listen to alot of songs and music during my younger days. But now, I listen to less songs and music. But it doesn't mean that I love music any less. It is just that I have less time to indulge in this interest of mine. I do however switch on the radio when I work. I cannot work without some music in the background.

I don't know how to explain that perculiar feeling that I am often overwhelmed with when I listen to songs or music. It seems to go right to my soul and touches something deep within. I can be so absorbed in it that time, place, people are no longer of importance to me.

In my house, the hubby has invested in a good sound system for me, which I seldom use. But if I do use it, I will be transported to a world of my own where nothing else matter but my music. When I am absorbed in my music, I do not want any disturbance. I just need to be alone and I don't want anyone, including the kids, to talk to me.

That is also the reason why I love piano so much. From young, I had wanted to learn how to play the piano. I was poor and my parents couldn't afford the lessons and a piano for me. Now that I can afford the lessons, I am beginning to doubt my competency due to my age. I don't know... I just feel that I can no longer do it and that my bones are too stiff for the piano. There are certain things which I am confident of, and there are certain things which I am not confident of.

Falling Sick

2005-10-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

I think I am going to fall sick soon.

I guess everything that is happening around me is taking a toll on my health. Lani, Pony, overseas trip and work. My body is aching and my throat feels funny. So I guess I am going to be down with either the cold (mild) or the flu (severe).

I didn't know having 2 helpers could be so streneous. Lani has her set of problems. Pony has her set of problems too. The thing about Pony is that I cannot grasp her character at the moment and I feel kinda stressed trying to figure out who is she and what is she like. I am just concern that hiding behind that simple facade is a complicated and scheming woman. It's hard to tell at the moment. Until I figure out what is she like, I am not going to let my defence down.

Lani is simple to figure out but she is damn irritating. And that makes me mad too. Sometimes she tries to show her "ownership" of Justin and Joel by making the boys so close to her. She thinks that by making Justin and Joel loves her so much and neglecting me (their Mommy) could show her superiority over me and make her indispensible. Hubby said she is so stupid to do so. Because it won't make me treausre her more. It makes me pissed because I never like to be challenged in such kind of situations. And I HATE my sons to go through that kind of roller coaster ride when their feelings are being manipulated. She brings them to a high and drop them to a low. My sons are mine no matter what. Whatever she does will not change the fact that I am still their mommy. Nobody will alienate them from me and no one should even try.

Hubby, having more time around at home, is beginning to see the problems that I am facing everyday. He is getting more and more mad with Lani and Pony. In fact, I am the one who console him that what is happening everyday is a "norm" and he should not take things to heart, for the sake of himself. The problems with them is never-ending. When you find that you have resolved an issue, another crop up. One of them will surely make you pissed. It could be Lani or Pony. So it's better to adopt that "see no evil, hear no evil" attitude with them.

Maids, maids... if I can do without them, I would gladly drop them.

Hubby's Blog

2005-10-03T01:19:00.000+08:00

My dear hubby has finally come out with his blog! That is after months of procastination!

http://somehowIwish.blogspot.com/

We are both goon when it comes to blogging. He asked me why isn't there a shoutbox for him. I told him I don't know. Jin did everything for me including the button. I just come in and write entries, that's all.

So do whatever you want with the web address. If you want to link him to yours, go ahead.

Air flights driving me to tears

2005-10-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

Every trip overseas would usually drive me to tears. Twice actually. To and fro the air flight.

I have a very big problem with air pressure. I have severe sinus problem. That probably leads to an imbalance in my head. No matter what I do, no matter what medication/precaution I take, I still cannot avoid the splitting headache everytime the plane lands.

I have been to the doctor who prescibe me with the strongest prescription painkiller. Sometimes I even double the dosage. I use nasal spray to unblock whatever inbalance in my head. But still, the pain was so overwhelming that it never fails to drive me to tears. The pain was so bad that I felt as if I was dying. I felt like my head was going to break into half. And for that half an hour or so, my tears would flow freely.

Hubby is very stressed with my condition. When he saw that I started grabbing my head and my face starts turning red, he would immediately be on "high alert". When the tears came, he would quickly massage my head, all the way until the plane lands. Then he would feel bad for not being able to help his wife who is in intense pain. The flight stewardess would often come up to me and asked if I need help (that is how bad I appear to others in the flight).

After the intense pain, and when the plane landed, my head no longer felt the same as before. It felt all sore inside and I would either continue to feel sore, or it may kick start my migraine. And my whole day would be destroyed!

Sigh... what to do? I still have to travel. For regular bigger planes, hubby could request for a front seat (less pressure) for us. But when it comes to budget flights, somehow service staff there are more unsympathetic. When hubby request for front seats due to my medical condition, somehow they gave us an expression that we were lying and we were just being kiasu and use my medical condition as an excuse. God Damn It! I don't mind back seats if I can take the pressure. Problem is, I can't. It is truely my freaking pain that is causing me hell that I needed a front seat. I am not spared the pain even when I am seated at the front but at least, I won't reach a stage when the pain was so bad that I wish to die.

I still prefer budget flights due to its good flight schedules. And I will still be travelling frequently. Until I find a solution, I just have to grit my teeth and bear with the pain. Honestly, the kind of pain I experience is no joke.

Bored......

2005-10-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

Today, I have nothing to write about. It is another uneventful day for us. Initally, we had planned to bring the kids out. But we were too lazy and therefore decided to stay home and ordered pizza. I was even too lazy to cook! So, we had a simple meal of pizza, cream of mushroom soup and corn. Nowadays, eversince hubby is involved in the business and officially off work, weekends no longer mean much to us. We would much prefer to go out during the weekdays due to less crowd.

Tomorrow is a sunday and again, I expect it to be another uneventful day for us, besides bringing the kids for their swimming lesson and me cooking a decent meal tomorrow night. Good thing is, I am looking forward to my cooked food. It is a break from Pony's cooking for all of us.

*yawn*. Off to bed now.

Working for reward

2005-09-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

Sometime ago, I read in a forum about how a mom teaches her son the value of money by rewarding her son with money for household chores done. This is so that he could save enough money to buy himself a toy that he fancies.

I strongly disagree with this way of reward. I thought keeping the house neat and tidy is the duty of every one staying in the house? If I were to pay my sons for every household chores done, I could just imagine if I fall sick and ask Justin and Joel for help. They would come up to me and asked me, "so mommy, how much are you paying me for washing the dishes?". This is not how I want my sons to be.

I don't believe in rewarding money for obedience too. Yes, they have to learn that money doesn't fall from the sky, but I believe in better ways for them to learn. One such way is through savings from their pocket money.

Hubby and I have derive a way to let Justin and Joel earn their rewards. We don't reward them with money. Hubby made a chart for them to earn stamps. As we are involved in our own business, it is easy for us to find work for them to do. Simple chores that is directly involved with our business. For every assigment that is completed, they would earn a stamp. Every 4 stamps would earn them a reward (not money). The assignments are simple for them but is time consuming. So far, Justin and Joel have been very motivated to earn their stamps. They have been working for hours. And when they get what they earn for, they seems to treasure their stuff more.

Interesting Encounter - No 2

2005-09-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

Some time ago, hubby and I used to deal with a supplier whom I believe is involved in the supernatural stuff. I used to see food being offered at a secluded corner at certain times of the day. There were also alot of "Gods" that she prayed to.

There was once hubby and I were really ill in luck. That was when we stayed in a haunted hotel and we were badly disturbed. I wrote about this incident some time ago. At that time, I believe our luck was so low that we somehow offended the "God" in her shop. Hubby accidentally pulled down an idol that they prayed to. Alot of things happened after that. Even when we were back home in Singapore, we were not spared.

Somehow after that, our business decision is to cut off ties with this supplier. We didn't want to be involved in this "entanglement". It takes some settling down. But our business went more smoothly after that. I don't want to think too much out of this thing.

Recently, the pull to get back to this supplier grows stronger and stronger. There were alot of times I was tempted to go back to her. Thoughts of her became more frequent. Even our hotel choice became nearer to her shop. We used to promise ourselves that we would try to avoid that "area" or anywhere near the vicinity. That was why we chose another expensive hotel in a different area eventhough it means we had to pay more for the hotel price. We felt that it was worth it because we didn't want to step on "her" toes again or to be associated with her in any way. Recently though, we seemed to become more attracted to that area.

Our last recent trip, we stayed in the hotel in the vicinity. During our stroll and shopping, we somehow walked towards her shop direction. I guess at that point of time, hubby and I did want to go to her area and I even thougt of going to her shop to buy stock from her since we were so near! Then suddenly, hubby told me, "lets go back!". I think he suspected something was wrong and told me to turn back to our hotel and not walked any further. I was reluctant but I followed him. He has an instint which I know I cannot ignore.

The "attraction" was so strange. It was like a force driving us towards that area. I wonder what would happen if we decided to resume our business with her, or to go near to her area. I shudder at the thought, of the repercussion.

It is not easy to do business at the place where I do. Besides prices, there are so much considerations, so much concerns. One has to be very strong in the will power and must not be timid. Most of the times, I am pretty sure what I want but I am cowardly when it comes to anything supernatural. Together with my superd imagination, those are my losing points. Plus when it comes to this particular supplier, I think my willpower not to patronise her shop is still not firm yet because her products still carry some selling point. The thing is, if you consider the possible repercussion, it is not worth it for us to earn that amount of profit I can derive from selling her products. The repercussion may be too much for us to bear. I have to work on that willpower! Hubby is not that affected because when it comes to deciding what stock to buy, the decision mainly lies on me due to my experience.

As for hubby, he is alright but sometimes, his mouth react faster than his brain and he does get himself into unneccesary trouble with the words he said, unknowingly.

Interesting Encounter - No 1

2005-09-29T00:52:00.000+08:00

Usually when I come back, there is bound to be some stange or interesting encounters to relate. Today is no exception.

It is not the hotel this time. I was too exhuasted to notice or observe things when I was in the hotel anyway, since I am having my menses and was dead tired!

We were picked up and driven to the factory by the boss personally. Earlier on, we complained to him that his worker was late to fetch us and we were in a big hurry to catch our flight. We told him to tell his worker not to be late. So today, the boss came personally, driven by his worker to fetch us, and they were punctual. In fact, they were early. Along the way to his factory, there was no traffic jam. We reached his factory at record speed.

Discussion with him went smoothly. In fact, hubby's discussion was so fast today. As for me, I chose inventory in record speed too. When we were almost done, we looked at the clock and were surprised that it was still early. It was about 2pm and our flight was at 8.10pm. His worker was supposed to drive us from the factory directly to the airport. But 2pm was too freaking early!

We were restless and hubby commented that there was still so much time left that we didn't know what to do. He suggested that next time we shouldn't go so early. Eventhough I didn't talk much, I did agree with him, in my heart. And was grumbling to myself that why is time passing so slow! My God! What are we supposed to do with that 6 hours?? I was thinking that next time we shouldn't go so early.

Such "innocent" thoughts and words. I didn't know they could have a repercussion! From the time the words came out of the mouth, nothing went quite right after that. Order got screwed up causing unneccessary delay. It wasn't the boss's fault. We were confused and messed up our own order. Nevermind, when we got it settled, it was already past 5pm. We thought we still had time. We didn't think that the road to the airport could be jammed! Nevermind, we still managed to arrive at the airport at 7pm (flight was at 8.10pm). We quickly unloaded our luggages. We thanked the worker and he drove off. I wasn't bother with luggages because it has always been hubby's job to make sure all the luggages were properly packed and accounted for. So, all along, I won't know how many luggages we had. BUT. at that moment of time when the worker drove off, my instinct kicked in, and I just suddenly asked hubby, where is that purple luggage? OMG! We had left it in the car and the worker had driven off. I also know that to drive back to the airport quickly to hand us the luggage was almost impossible because there was no u-turn. It was just a long stretch of expressway right to the city about 1 hour away.

No matter what, I NEED my luggage back because inside that bag contained my used clothes and panties. Moreover, I'm having menses and I'm not comfortable with them holding my used clothes, and my panties! We called the boss to ask the worker to pass the luggage back to us. Nevermind the items inside, I just want my used clothes back!

To make matter worse, the airline changed our flight and we were pushed forward to an earlier different flight! So instead of 8.10pm, our new flight would take off at 7.45pm. Gosh! We were so nervous. There we were at 7.10pm, still waiting for our luggage and the check in counter was going to close any moment.

Finally, he drove back and we got our luaggage! He must have found a way to turn back to the airport! Blessed us! We were very very late. Then we realized that instead of Teminal one at the airport, the new flight was at Terminal two! We had to run from the far end of Teminal one to the other end of Terminal two with 5 luggages and 2 heavy backpacks! My God! We were so nervous!

In the end, we had to skip our dinner and ran all the way to our plane! We had planned to have a slow and satisfying dinner at the airport since we thought we would be early. Because of all these unexpectated outcomes, we had to go without food and starve!

Phew... we are finally back! In the end, we were not early. We didn't have to grumble about being early at the factory because our "wish" came true and we weren't early and didn't even have 1 minute to "lobo" around. Instead, we were very late. So late that we nearly missed our flight! I know better now to keep my mind clear and hubby to keep his mouth shut!

I am disappointed....

2005-09-26T19:19:00.000+08:00

... that my menses come today.

That means, I am not pregnant :(

That means, I am going to have a hell lot of problems going for my business trip tomorrow and coping with my tummy cramps and heavy flow :(

That means I am going to feel crappy for the next few days :(

That means I am going to take it out on hubby and make him pissed :(

Ah well.... probably that explains my weepy mood and pessismism as I am going through PMS...

BBQing

2005-09-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a feast of BBQ food and my tummy feel as if it's going to explode! Gosh! I am so bloated and feel so sick of oily fattening food!

We had a chalet today. It is supposed to be a 2 days 1 night affair but we cut it short and made it a 1 day outing. We didn't stay overnight eventhough we have paid for a 2 days 1 night package. I mean, I would rather sleep at home, in the comfort of my bed than squeeze with everyone in a small room that stinked of BBQ smoke. There are 4 adults and 2 kids. How are we going to squeeze in 4 single beds? So I told the hubby that since we would be fetching my parents home late at night, we may as well check out and return home.

We had chicken wings, pork, chicken franks, chinese sausages, sweet potatoes, satays etc etc, the usual BBQ stuff. Now, I feel so sick of all these meat and crave for something light and refreshing.

Now that I am back home, I feel so comfortable and relax. Chalet is nothing fantastic. I much prefer my home. The only reason we wanted to go for chalet is to spend some quality family time when the kids can have all our undivided attention. We would be leaving for our business trip this Tuesday and we hope to spend some time with them. The kids do seem happy though. I am the tired one, fetching everyone here and there, including my parents! LOL

Ignorance is Bliss ?

2005-09-24T13:14:00.000+08:00

I still find ignorance is bliss. Compared with the hubby, I find that my mind is so much more innocent and "pure". I am curious and I would often ask supernatural stuff but I've learnt through my lessons that I should not probe further than I'm able to handle.

I don't like to know supernatural stuff that is associated to our day-to-day living because I prefer my life to be simple. If I meet alot of hiccps, I'll take it as bad luck. If I constantly received good rewards, then I think I am blessed. As simple as that. I only like listening to encounters or strange occurances that doesn't affect me. And I always tell hubby to only let me know things that I can change, not things that I cannot change. What's the point of knowing when you do not have the power to change situations and people? Wouldn't I be making myself more miserable by knowing more?

Sometimes, I do feel I have some instinct in certain sense. But I don't think much about it. Good if I can act on my instinct in the correct way, but if I can't, I just blame it on my stupidity in life.

Hubby knows more supernatural things than me and he is contended the way he is. As he always pointed out, somebody needs to know what is actually happening and he would be the one since I am so cowardly (LOL). As for me, I like the way I am. I don't try to figure out why things happen the way they are. I don't like to challenge situations, in the supernatural way. I always believe everything happens for a reason. People say "Life is as complex as we want to make it to be". But for me, I see it as "Life is as simple as I want to make it to be". In chinese, we have a "proverb" that goes "Sha Ren You Sha Fu". Directly translated, it is something like "Silly people is blessed with luck in a silly way". I hope to be the silly one who is blessed with luck, nevermind if it is in a silly way. LOL

Ancestral Tablet Commotion

2005-09-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

As usual, today all of us go to my parents' place for dinner. Justin and Joel had their dinner first and followed by hubby and me.

My parents' house has an ancestral tablet and a diety for their prayer.

While we were having our dinner, the kids were playing in the living room. My parents' house was a 3 room flat and therefore it was pretty small. There wasn't much space for them to run around. All of a sudden, I heard a crash. Followed by hubby's very loud and booming shout. Gosh! I think I was scared more of hubby's loudness (which can easily be heard by the entire block, even the next block!) then the crash. My mom got a shock too, because of hubby's shout. Needless to say, Justin was scared out of his wits.

I ran out to the living room to take a look. The top part of the joss stick holder (xiang lu) was overturned and some of its content spilled out. The holder didn't overturned. It was just the top portion that dropped out. Justin had accidentally knocked the joss stick holder with his toy golf stick! He burst out crying because he was too scared of his daddy. I quickly asked Justin to say "sorry". My mom quickly went over, took Justin's hand and prayed and apologised. My dad heard the commotion, came to the living room and told us "it's OK, no problem".

Justin quietened down and continued tearing. While I continued dinner with hubby, I asked him whether it's ok with hubby if I let Justin prayed with joss sticks to "offically" apologised for the "accident". Hubby didn't want to, at first. His rationale is, if Justin hadn't use much joss stick, why should he start using now? Moreover my parents have said that it's OK about the incident. But in the end, he told me he would leave the decision to me, since it's at my parents' house that such thing happened and I am part of my parents' family. I made the decision to let Justin prayed with joss stick to apologise. My rationale is that, if he did something wrong, whether or not it is done on purpose, he should be sorry. Sure, my parents find Justin's act forgiveable. But, no matter what, the wrong was not done to my parents but the ancestral tablet. So, just apologise and move on. I don't take in hubby's rationale.

Justin was very quiet at my parents' home. But now that he's back home, he's much better. I still think hubby shouldn't shout so loud. He can reprimand Justin but he doesn't need to shout at the top of his voice. It is not a small issue, but it is not a big issue either. At least, it happens at my parents' house and not at a stranger's house. I still remember how hubby knocked a figurine of prayer when he was in Thailand. THAT, is more worrisome than this.

A question that I pondered....

2005-09-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

There are certain questions that Jin posts that will set me thinking for a long time.

This is one of them.

What will I do if I know I'm dying, and I have a choice to swap my destiny with someone else so that I won't die? I know I will choose death, for my conscience. For fear that my karma will affect my children and the next generation.

But putting conscience and karma aside, what do I really want to do if say, I know I will be dying next week? How could I possibly leave Justin and Joel, when the elder child is barely 6? True, I have my hubby to be the guardian and I know he will love them with all his heart. But somehow, deep inside me, I know there is no one who will love my children as much as I do. I carry them in my womb for 9 months. Who will understand that kind of bond that a mother shares with her child?

Then I think of Arlene. Ohh... that sicko, that idoit, that fat ass! I don't mind swapping my life with an asshole like her, to make myself live longer *evil grin*

The bottom line is, fear of bad karma and conscience still rule me. But if I were to throw karma and conscience out of the window, yes, I will do it. If I can, I will find someone whom I dislike to swap my death sentence with. So if I am a master now, I'll start keeping records of those who step on my toe. kekeke...

A coward

2005-09-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

I am a coward when it comes to anything that is supernatural. That's why hubby tried to avoid talking to me about supernatural stuff irregardless of how much I tried to probe him. Being curious (also known as KPO), I will try to manipulate and "forced" out issues which he knows but prefer not to tell me. When I finally get out the truth from him, I will scare the hell out of myself, and I'll live my days in fear and super imagination.

Just like today, Jin called, hubby picked up the phone, and I know they talk about some supernatural stuff. Then this evening, I was very curious because I heard "cigeratte", "black magic" etc etc, so I tried to ask him to tell me what was the conversation about. Today, I don't have to probe much and he tells me the brief, "harmless" conversation that he thought wouldn't have any impact on me.

Then comes the drama.

Pony came into the room and greet us goodnight. I turned, saw her in a black t-shirt, immediately jumped out of my chair and screamed! My actions were really dramatic! So drama that hubby got a shock and he jumped! Pony burst out laughing and kept apologising to me.

I know I can be very drama at times. But I didn't know I can be so drama as to get shock over a human being! I am still suffering from the after-effect of the revelation and am still over-working my imagination!

Sometimes, it's better not to be too interested in things I should not be interested in. Like the proverb goes, "Curiosity killed the cat!".

Coincidence

2005-09-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hubby and I actually plan to go for our overseas business trip this week. But somehow, he has been dragging his feet and has an unexplained feeling that he doesn't wish to go. I had wanted to go this week because there were some samples that we needed to pass urgently to our manufacturer.

I was about to make a booking for the air flight tickets when Jin called us to chat. Hubby happened to speak to her because I was engaged with work. When she knew that we were going overseas, I heard from hubby that she sounded a little surprise. She later told the hubby that she had a bad feeling towards us going overseas.

This sounds like a coincidence. First, it was hubby who was dragging his feet and was reluctant to go (very unlike him). Then it was Jin's comment and her "surprise" The time she called when I was about to place an internet booking for the air ticket was also somewhat strange. She rarely called me at 11+am partly because I need to fetch Justin at that time from school. She has called me in the morning or late afternoon but rarely in the early afternoon.

With all these co-incidences, as much as I feel we need to travel this week for business purpose, all plans have been postphoned and air flights booked for next week instead. Sometimes, I guess, we just have to go with the flow and trust the higher forces to guide us through.